It's About Courage

On a warm day in June 2002, I stood on a D.C. subway platform and asked, “How could this be happening to me? I don’t understand this." My ex-husband, Karsten, stood some distance away as I pondered such a frightening thought.

I felt lost. No one on the platform had an answer for me. Earlier in the day, after our consultation with the surgeon, Karsten’s eyes welled up with tears as he said, “I can’t make up for you not being here. Lukas will miss you.” I swallowed hard as reality gave me a one-two punch.

There’s nothing like cancer staring you in the face. Thank goodness for the wisdom of a little boy. “Mommy, at least you’re not losing something more precious,” said Lukas during dinner on a sultry July evening. “I’d rather lose a breast than my life.”

The insight, the perspective: it was sweet yet also sobering. The mastectomy was necessary; it provided me with the greatest odds for survival and has given me precious time with my son. Cancer was tough, but I was tougher. It tried to wear me down; instead, it infused me with courage, strength and good humor.

The diagnosis, and subsequent issues with my saline implant, also spurred me to reflect and to think of the possibilities in my life. It was clear that my journey was a defining chapter, and that it was important for me - as a woman and as a journalist – to document the moments of both joy and despair.

My friends Robert Visser and Ken Cedeno, both photojournalists, began a collaboration of spirit and storytelling. Cedeno and Visser spent countless hours with me, watching and waiting for just the right moment to click the shutter.

Both men have thanked me for inviting them on my journey. It’s really I who should be thanking them. Their support and love steadied me every step of the way. I would have faltered if it were not for their presence and strength.

With the exception of Dr. Bernard Chang at Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, my medical team was made up of incredible women, including Dr. Shawna Willey, now at Georgetown University Hospital, and Dr. Joanne Lenert, a plastic surgeon at George Washington University Hospital. Both women were patient and kind, and were always willing to answer my questions with honesty and wisdom.

I feel very blessed. Cedeno, Visser and I might have to write a book about our adventures.